Just chiming in here as a dude who's had some discussion with his wife about this sort of thing. This comment is also directed at the 2024 post about women spending more time with household chores. Here's where I'd like to push back some: women (whether because of nature or nurture) are not doing household chores because they are required to, but because (for whatever the variety of motivations are) they choose to.
The data in the 2024 article shows that it's not a result of being a wife or mother or having to care for anyone other than themselves. Single women, no kids, choose to spend 4 more hours of their time on household labor. No one is saying they have to spend that much time on their household chores but themselves: no kids, no lazy husbands... It's their own expectations. For whatever reason, men choose to spend those 4 hours doing other things. The fallacy here (in my opinion) is that women are validated in spending that time in household chores, when perhaps (like men and their watching TV more) they ought to be challenged that they need to spend LESS time on those chores. Perhaps they do the chores for similar "wrong" motivations that men are lazily watching TV.
So, while the work-life balance might be harder for women, the data from the single women no kids shows that it's perhaps due more to their own choices/desires or the expectations they themselves have set on managing household chores than it actually has to do with what actually is required to manage a household.
TLDR: women make the work-life balance harder for themselves with the expectations they have set up prior to being married with kids.
Yes, I've thought about this. You mention that it could be due to nature or nurture, but they are choosing to.
I would pose that it's not an intentional choice, but something that's been shaped into women by society. Women generally have been subtly taught to internalize the belief that our homes must be clean, organized, put-together. Or, putting it another way -- and painting with a broad brush -- a single woman in her 20's would feel a bit of embarrassment if her place were not clean and tidy when someone came over, whereas no one would think much of it if it were the apartment of a guy in his 20's. And this continues on through other life stages as well.
I'm not trying to argue that women are "validated" in doing more housework, or that they all have lazy husbands. I'm trying to show that they ARE doing more housework.
The question of why is another thing. And, I agree with you on this, worth thinking about. I would frame it less as a challenge to women and more as giving them freedom and permission to do less.
In general, as I work with women in ministry, this is a constant theme I see: women expect more of themselves than they can reasonably keep up with. And the response to that is helping them see it and helping them adjust their expectations. I have other posts that speak more to that theme.
I think the broader point I'm trying to make in these two articles is that on average women are juggling more than men. Because being aware of that is helpful for both men and women to see. It opens up conversations like this where we can get curious about why that is, learn to make adjustments, and see a dynamic that might otherwise go unnoticed by us... which can quietly lead to burnout over time.
Women are often not aware that they are choosing to do more -- and when you're not aware of something, you don't know you can make a different choice. That's part of why I want to bring awareness.
Just chiming in here as a dude who's had some discussion with his wife about this sort of thing. This comment is also directed at the 2024 post about women spending more time with household chores. Here's where I'd like to push back some: women (whether because of nature or nurture) are not doing household chores because they are required to, but because (for whatever the variety of motivations are) they choose to.
The data in the 2024 article shows that it's not a result of being a wife or mother or having to care for anyone other than themselves. Single women, no kids, choose to spend 4 more hours of their time on household labor. No one is saying they have to spend that much time on their household chores but themselves: no kids, no lazy husbands... It's their own expectations. For whatever reason, men choose to spend those 4 hours doing other things. The fallacy here (in my opinion) is that women are validated in spending that time in household chores, when perhaps (like men and their watching TV more) they ought to be challenged that they need to spend LESS time on those chores. Perhaps they do the chores for similar "wrong" motivations that men are lazily watching TV.
So, while the work-life balance might be harder for women, the data from the single women no kids shows that it's perhaps due more to their own choices/desires or the expectations they themselves have set on managing household chores than it actually has to do with what actually is required to manage a household.
TLDR: women make the work-life balance harder for themselves with the expectations they have set up prior to being married with kids.
Yes, I've thought about this. You mention that it could be due to nature or nurture, but they are choosing to.
I would pose that it's not an intentional choice, but something that's been shaped into women by society. Women generally have been subtly taught to internalize the belief that our homes must be clean, organized, put-together. Or, putting it another way -- and painting with a broad brush -- a single woman in her 20's would feel a bit of embarrassment if her place were not clean and tidy when someone came over, whereas no one would think much of it if it were the apartment of a guy in his 20's. And this continues on through other life stages as well.
I'm not trying to argue that women are "validated" in doing more housework, or that they all have lazy husbands. I'm trying to show that they ARE doing more housework.
The question of why is another thing. And, I agree with you on this, worth thinking about. I would frame it less as a challenge to women and more as giving them freedom and permission to do less.
In general, as I work with women in ministry, this is a constant theme I see: women expect more of themselves than they can reasonably keep up with. And the response to that is helping them see it and helping them adjust their expectations. I have other posts that speak more to that theme.
I think the broader point I'm trying to make in these two articles is that on average women are juggling more than men. Because being aware of that is helpful for both men and women to see. It opens up conversations like this where we can get curious about why that is, learn to make adjustments, and see a dynamic that might otherwise go unnoticed by us... which can quietly lead to burnout over time.
Women are often not aware that they are choosing to do more -- and when you're not aware of something, you don't know you can make a different choice. That's part of why I want to bring awareness.