Female Imposter Syndrome
You're not a fraud, and we want your contributions
Sometimes I find myself in meetings with people that impress me. Whether it’s someone with decades of ministry experience on me, a business executive, or just someone who tends to… I don’t know, be better at sharing their thoughts out loud than me, I can tend to assume I don’t have as much to offer in these meetings. When I do have something to say, sometimes I’ll catch myself getting stuck in figuring out how to articulate myself, and then notice my heart rate increase as I’m getting ready to actually open my mouth.
After I speak, I sometimes also wonder if what I said was even worth saying out loud. Even when others have said, “We should have Linda speak up more” or “That’s a good idea.”
I know I’m not the only one who experiences these kinds of self-doubts. It’s actually really common for women to question themselves and experience imposter syndrome. A quick search can produce all sorts of quotes from impressive women, like Tina Fey, Michelle Obama, and Maya Angelou. Check out this one from Emma Watson:
“It’s almost like the better I do, the more my feeling of inadequacy actually increases, because I’m just going, Any moment, someone’s going to find out I’m a total fraud, and that I don’t deserve any of what I’ve achieved. I can’t possibly live up to what everyone thinks I am and what everyone’s expectations of me are. It’s weird — sometimes [success] can be incredibly validating, but sometimes it can be incredibly unnerving and throw your balance off a bit, because you’re trying to reconcile how you feel about yourself with how the rest of the world perceives you.”
Sheryl Sandberg, the former COO of Facebook, has also written on this topic in her book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. She shares her own struggles, as well as research which shows that:
Women experience imposter syndrome more intensely and are more limited by it than men.
Women consistently underestimate themselves, while men consistently overestimate themselves.
Women are more likely than men to attribute their failures to an inherent lack of ability (rather than, say, “I didn’t study enough” after failing a test).
Women’s self-confidence drops a much greater degree than men’s after receiving negative feedback.
I don’t share this so that we can all think, Gee, we as women are a bunch of insecure, unaware, fragile people. What is wrong with us? Rather, I hope to bring this to the light so we can begin to notice it and do something about it.
My concern, as ever, is for women in youth ministry. You bring more to the table than you likely realize. You may be underestimating yourself and your gifts.
Your internal reaction to these statements may be, Wait a minute. Don’t make me prideful, now. I don’t need to boast or show off. Indeed you don’t, and I don’t want you to become prideful. But you also don’t need to downplay the gifts God has given you, and I don’t want you to dishonor God and the way he has imprinted his image in you in the name of a false “Godly” humility.
I’ve learned through the years that there are certain areas where my internal dialogue tends to overemphasize one thing and underemphasize the other thing. My mind may notice things I’m not doing well, for example, and my internal dialogue begins to sound like, You don’t know what you’re doing. But simultaneously, there are 100 things I am doing well without much effort, and I’m not noticing those things nor letting them shape my internal dialogue.
So, when you fall into questioning yourself and feeling like a fraud, perhaps recall the things that you do well without even thinking about them. Remind yourself of those things, not just of your failings and shortcomings. Remind yourself why people chose to give you a seat at the tables you do have seats at. Out of all the people that could’ve been given that seat, it was given to you. Others saw something in you that led to that.
This isn’t about being full of yourself; it’s about agreeing with God that you are wonderfully made in his image, are uniquely designed by him with your specific gifts and weaknesses, and have vital things to contribute to the body of Christ.
(And if you’re not a woman in youth ministry, but you have the ability to speak into the lives of those who are, mentor them to develop a healthy, Godly self-confidence. Mentoring and development are often some of the most effective means for growing in these areas, yet women in ministry often don’t get them.1)
