What's Draining You in Ministry
And why it could be something you're good at
Most people get into ministry because there’s something fulfilling about it to them. As the old joke goes, we didn’t get into this for the money. We got into ministry because we feel passionate about it, because doing it brings us life as we have a sense that we are doing what we were made to do, what we are called to do, and what has eternal impact.
And yet, in the midst of all that ministry entails, at some point a lot of us find ourselves weighed down by ministry responsibilities that are draining us. Every job has this, of course — the parts of the job that you do not because you want to but because you have to. Such is the nature of life in a broken world, where we all have to do things we don’t love to do.
However, there’s something to be concerned about when someone has lost joy in their ministry because they are weighed down by these things. This situation often occurs slowly over time, such that the ministry leader doesn’t even realize how much they don’t enjoy in their job anymore. Sometimes, it consists of the things that they’ve learned to manage pretty well, yet they never noticed that they don’t actually like managing these things.
Let’s discuss a common example: the administrative work of ministry.
This is one that I hear women talk about a lot. On the one hand, it seems like it’s fairly common for women to end up carrying the “mental load” for the ministry and handling the administrative work, often because they can manage it better than their male counterparts. On the other hand, there are plenty of people in ministry — women included — who simply are not gifted in details and administration and need help in this area. The more administrative and detail-oriented load on their plate, the more drained they will be.
I want to point out, though, that for both those who are gifted and those who are not gifted administratively, administration can be draining. This seems obvious for the latter group who are notably not gifted at it. Their solution may be to equip other staff or volunteers to help them carry the administrative load. But it’s less obvious for women who are able to manage the details well. Some who manage details well may love it and be energized by it, but others who manage details well may indeed be drained by doing just that. Off the top of my head, I can point to myself and at least two other close ministry friends who all fit this category in some way. We would say that we have learned to manage details well — such that people relied on us as the details person for a ministry and either pursued us for or put us in administrative positions; these kinds of skills would even perhaps be something we mentioned as strengths in job interviews or which showed up on StrengthsFinder tests for us. Yet, after years of being these people, we finally came to realize that details are actually draining for us. We can make them happen, and we’d perhaps rather carry the load than leave them to others who will consistently drop details. But we’d also rather be doing something else.
In fact, part of why we are so good at details is just because we learned to cope well with the circumstances presented to us. I, for example, came to have really well-developed systems for organizing ministry plans and events. I felt I had to do that because, without those systems, I would get stuck in the details during the events and be much less present with people during them. In other words, it may look to others like details came naturally to me, but what’s probably more true is that details stress me out to the point that I need systems for managing them.
Employers and coworkers have always seen me as good at administration. And that’s not a wrong view of the situation. I am good at them. But what’s missing from this description is that administration and details are usually draining to me. They are not life-giving. The more details I have to keep straight in my personal life and work life, the more stressed I tend to become. Part of that, of course, is my own internal thoughts and pressures, which I can grow in over time. But even with growth in this area, I don’t expect to wake up one day and think, “Man! I can’t wait to tackle more details today!” I’d rather think, or write, or create, or teach, or interact with people. Those are much more life-giving to me.
Beyond administration, there are also the obvious things in ministry that drain us like navigating complaints, conflict, student discipline, and so on. But maybe there are other things which actually drain you, even if you’ve become used to them:
Busy office spaces, perhaps especially if you’re an introvert and don’t have somewhere where you can be alone at work1
Noisy office spaces (beyond just the people aspect - for instance, for about 7 years I had offices in spaces with open ceilings and very loud HVAC systems. Every now and then when these systems turned off, my whole body felt immensely more relaxed.)
Public speaking (whether it’s giving announcements, teaching, or something else)
Coming up with new material weekly for lessons, newsletters, trainings, etc.
Leading games for youth group and other events
Greeting new people regularly, or trying to draw out the introverts in your group
The days in the week that you stay out late for events and still either came in early that morning or have to come in early the next morning
A regular meeting on your work calendar that never seems productive or has an unclear purpose (can we just be honest that lots of church staff meetings are draining or take much longer than they need to?)
Writing emails (ever known yourself or someone else to spend so much emotional energy and time on figuring out how to word emails?)
Too much or too little structure
Situations that require a lot of empathy, or a lot of assertiveness, or a lot of risk-taking
Coming up with new ministry ideas, or following through on ministry plan execution
Some of these are things that one can grow in, and some of them will just come down to the way that you are wired. But it does us all well when we can recognize what it is that drains us in ministry. If someone were to ask you, “What drains you in ministry?” and your answer was, “Not a lot, really… just when hard situations come up,” then you probably just lack the self-awareness to name these things, and you will pay for that lack of self-awareness.
Once you recognize these things, you can begin to form a plan to manage and balance how draining your job is. But it has to start with learning to recognize what drains you. So, take note: just because you’re good at something or have to do something as part of ministry doesn’t mean you enjoy it.
By the way, if you’re an introvert, I’d highly recommend reading Susan Cain’s book Quiet to help name some of the things that might be draining you, especially in a society that prizes extroversion.