What's Filling You for Ministry
Or perhaps, who is?
I’ve been discussing the concept of inputs and outputs as part of the path toward burnout and recovery for women in youth ministry. We are in danger of burnout when these are unbalanced and our outputs far outweigh our inputs. Recovery would, on some level, involve making adjustments so that we are filling up what has been chronically depleted. Taking proper stock of our inputs and outputs, however, is not as straightforward as we may initially think.
Working at a church often comes with an invisible and complicated web of increased outputs and diminished inputs. Ministry often entails doing things that drain us over and over again. Any many of us, over time, tend to take these kinds of things for granted.
This week, I want to shift focus to taking stock of our inputs. We need to know not only what is draining us but also how we can get filled back up. There will always be aspects to ministry that are draining, but we can continue to bear these when we have enough inputs that are consistently filling us back up.
So, what are your inputs? What are the things that are filling you up and fueling you for ministry? There are a lot of ways we could think through this question. Let’s start with just one aspect in this post: relational inputs.
I want to start here because it’s usually a glaringly obvious need for women in ministry. As I’ve discussed before, it’s common for women in ministry to have a pattern of plenty relational outputs with little to no relational inputs (this is true, for example, for singles giving it all in ministry and leaving nothing for themselves, and for women caring for everyone but themselves). Furthermore, we desperately need relational inputs especially as women. Our stress levels rise and fall with our supportive relational connections.
I know many women in ministry for whom there are a lack of safe relationships that fill them up. At best, they may have their spouse and a few friends out of town that they can call on the phone that would fit this category. Otherwise, all of their relationships tend to be with people who they are evangelizing, discipling, or that they have dual relationships with (because it’s people in their church, who as a result are people they cannot be fully transparent with to one degree or another).
So, one thing to consider is whether you have safe people outside of your church context who are still local. Who are the people you see in person regularly, who you can be fully transparent with, and who have no connection to your workplace?
Additionally, most women in youth ministry have a hard time finding someone who can mentor them and is invested in their growth. One of the most effective means for growth and one of the most effective tools for combating stress and burnout is simply having someone who is invited into your growth. Don’t just read books and blogs and reflect on the content yourself. Find someone who you can meet and process with regularly, who can reflect back to you with an outsider’s view what they are seeing in you. This can be a ministry coach, a therapist, a wiser believer or ministry leader, or something else.1
If you don’t already have this, you’d be surprised how much you can benefit from someone having a second set of eyes on your life and ministry. It’s hard to know if you have a clear view on things in your life — especially if you’re in a tough environment where you’re surrounded by people who think it’s normal to overexert yourself, to be berated by your boss, to never advocate for your needs, and so on. I find that most of us tend to question ourselves and need a second, outside, unbiased perspective. Often within the first conversation or two with a women in ministry I am caring for, they are helped by me simply validating, “Yes, that is a lot,” or “Of course you can [say this or ask for that].” Over time, I also get the opportunity to see and speak into their strengths and weaknesses. I can call out or encourage them in their procrastination, their tendency to overthink things, their prioritizing others’ needs while grossly ignoring their own, etc.
Reading a book might help you recognize some of this. But having someone else with you is going to be so much more helpful. A book can’t speak back to you and offer you personal observations.
So to be filled for ministry, first take stock of who in your life helps fill you up.
I do this sort of thing under the title of “shepherd” in a role with Standing Stone.